How the monologue ends:

"...But being here was not out of my wildness – it was pure frustration, the will to skip the unnecessary drills; ergo this unexpected waiting was evermore frustrating for me. [pause] I must say the others seemed fine waiting. Almost like they have been waiting for this their whole life… Like this was going to be that climactic moment in their lives that would give them the push to their resolution. It would give them a push aright, and it would lead them right down that climax. Pathetic. [pause] Me? I personally didn’t want any of this. I thought I’d be spared from it all, the whole drama – like they used to let me skip gym because I’d tell them I had Ballistophobia. Fear of round objects, bullets, missiles. Though accuracy was not a concern: The dumbass coach would eat up anything with more than 10 syllables as a disease. Wild, huh? [pause] But this one? This one was supposed to be the easiest way out. From it all, the whole drama. [points her fingers to her head like a gun] BAM! And you’re out! And then even God does not want to bother with you anymore. At least that was what they told me. [pause] But here I am, waiting to meet the divine One, waiting for me to ask for forgiveness and mercy. Even though I am not worthy of his forgiveness or his mercy. What a narcissist. [Looks at the paper] What a bag of bullshit."

(by pipedreams)

Letter #9

"I love the way I know things that you don't know.
Things, in reality, that you should know.
And the sad truth is, I can't just come up to you and start telling them.
You should find them out yourself.
They should just 'come' to you.
All the more reason for me not to believe in God.
Cause apparently he can send down books but he can't do this little favor for me.
It's certainly not more than 3 words.
5 at most, if you want to go overboard."

Conversation with God

G: You didn't possibly think..you didn't..did you, really think that..I mean did you really think that it was going to last?
S: Well yes. No. I didn't think it would be like this. It seems soon. Too soon.
G: How long, would you rather have it?
S: I don't know, it didn't really have to be long. But I could use the spotlight for another couple of months.
G: No, no, no, Sally. You're not being logical. You were not made for the spotlight.
S: But I thought I was doing fine.
G: No, you see, I made you. You're an understudy.
S: But how is that fair? And I did all I can to be a good person.
G: That's the thing Sally, you are a good person. But that's not enough. It's never is.
S: What was I supposed to do then, not to be the understudy?
G: Nothing, Sally. You were made this way. I made you, this way. You're the second best friend, the sidekick.
S: But I can be more. I am more than this.
G: Sally, you can't. I know you can't.
S: Well, why? I believed in you, why won't you believe in me?
G: Because that's not how it works Sally.
S: How does it work then?
G: The way I want it to be.