Scenes From An All-Boys Gig

Characters (L to R):

- Father of two at the piano, who barely made it to the concert after his long shift at the office; he is still in his worn out light grey suit, sans the tie - minor adjustment towards the casual look.

- Ex-soldier, band leader of his time on the trumpet; he is so disappointed with the small turn-out that he can't help but break into laughter after every weak applause from the crowd.
- The young and aspiring over-sized teenager on the double bass; his cheeks are as red as his red plaid shirt.
- The third most important man of an old and rooted Italian mafia on the tenor sax. His crazy moves during this sax solos conflict with his subtlety.
- Tall, white, young and lovely, the alto sax player with possibly Danish genes looks as dissimilar to the band, as a red apple in a bowl of citrus. He is torn between caring or not caring about what anybody thinks about him; but then again, that only means that he does, indeed, care.
- His haircut and glass shape choice give his most discreet secret away -the kind you would keep in closet-, the drummer looks happy to be a part of this boys club; his obedience visible, through the way he follows the instructions of the trumpeter.

Please and thank you's. Two hours of sheer musical experience. Intensity.
Promises, made, yet quite questionable.
Makes you wonder, really, who their closest friends may be.
Not us, for certain, but maybe they should re-consider that.
We were of the few, that actually were, there, in the end.
Please, thank you.

Stories on Stories on Stories

There once was a time I wrote stories

There once was a time I wrote books

There once was a time I wrote everyday

There once was a time I wrote a diary

There once was a time I wrote songs

There once was a time I wrote songs in German

There once was a time I wrote love songs in German

And let me tell you this:

Writing love songs in German, is a big deal.

A real challenge.

Not because it's impossible, because almost everyone thinks it's impossible.

- Change Topic - 

I have been thinking about starting a new series of blogs lately.

About all the parallel universes I believe that I exist.

A blog on my "if I had" and "if I had not"s.

- Change Topic -

Lately all I have been writing about in my free-writing assignments is concerned with my incompetence in my new life.

I moved to a big city from a equally big city.

So you'd think I'd be fine. But I am not.

Because in the big city I came from, I spent three years establishing me.

Making me.

And now I have to do it all again.

I am strong.

I am strong.

I am strong.

But nobody is that strong.

Or maybe some people are.

How would I know?

If there is anything I know about me, it is that I do not know shit about shit.

But that's all right.

Because I am, strong.

- Change Topic -

DB thinks I know things.

He sees that I know things, because he thinks I see things.

He doesn't say that to me.

Therefore I do not have to admit that I do not know shit about shit.

- Change Topic -

There were times in my life when I wrote poems.

I wrote shitty poems.

I wrote cheesy romantic poems.

I wrote far-too-sad poems.

I wrote meaningless poems.

I wrote poems.

Multiple.

I probably have written a hundred too.

None of which was brilliant.

Some sentimental to me.

But I wrote a hundred poems.

- Change Topic -

I miss not-doubting me.

I miss being certain.

- Change Topic - 

I make things happen.

I make things happen.

I create.

I love.

I believe.

I fall in despair.

I pull myself up.

I stay strong.

I make things happen.

- Change Topic - 

I love it when people say "Shed".

Here I go to shed a little.

Goodbye.

Adequete ya da Yeterli

Masaüstümde "Gelecek" başlıklı bir dosyam var.
İçerisinde yalnızca başvuracağım okulların geçen yılki başvuru bilgileri ve burs olasılıklarına ait bilgiler yazan Word dosyaları var.
Gelecek kavramım böyle sığ işte gördüğünüz gibi.

Karşılıklı mesajlarımıza "Anladım." diye başladığımız bir arkadaşım var.
Hiç fark etmeden yazmışız, mesaj kutumu temizlemeye karar verince fark ettim.
Gerçek dostluk böyle kaygısız bir anlayışlılıkla sürdürülüyor heralde, diye düşünmeden edemedim.

İnsan birisini sevdiği zaman, hele de "daha çok seven" taraf kendisi ise, kesinlikle kendisini ele vermek istemiyor.
Düzeltme: Pipedreams birisini sevdiği zaman, hele de "daha çok seven" taraf kendisi ise, kesinlikle kendisini ele vermek istemiyor. Nefret ediyor bundan. Bilmesin istiyor. Biliyorsa da iyi bok yedi, diye düşünüyor.
Peki şimdi? diye düşünüyor.
Bunu bilinci nasıl kucaklayıp nasıl olduğu gibi sürdüreceğiz hayatımızı? diye düşünüyor.
Hayır bir de öyle bir kelime dizisi kurmuş ki, nasıl sinirleneceğini şaşırıyor.
Sinirlenemiyor tabii.
Nadir durumlardan bir tanesi.

Hiç aşamadığım bir "yarın yaparım" duygum var.
Tembellikten öte. Kendi kendimi öyle nefis kandırıyorum ki, kendime öyle inanıyorum ki, sanki o yapmam gereken şey zaten yarının işiymiş gibi. Bugün yapsam dünya tersine dönecekmiş, bütün hayatım mahvolacakmış gibi.
Kendime anlattığım gibi size de anlatsam siz de "Bırak canım saçmalama yarın yap şunu" dersiniz.
Öyle bir güvence dolu tembellik.

Gözlerimi kapayıp sonsuza dek bir müzik videosunda yaşayasım geliyor.
"Should I give up?"
Neredesin neredesin neredesin nerede nerede nerede nerede?
"Or should I just keep on chasing pavements even if it leads no way?"
Söyle de bilelim.