Sayfalar

6.11.13

Stories on Stories on Stories

There once was a time I wrote stories
There once was a time I wrote books
There once was a time I wrote everyday
There once was a time I wrote a diary
There once was a time I wrote songs
There once was a time I wrote songs in German
There once was a time I wrote love songs in German

And let me tell you this:
Writing love songs in German, is a big deal.
A real challenge.
Not because it's impossible, because almost everyone thinks it's impossible.

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I have been thinking about starting a new series of blogs lately.
About all the parallel universes I believe that I exist.
A blog on my "if I had" and "if I had not"s.

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Lately all I have been writing about in my free-writing assignments is concerned with my incompetence in my new life.
I moved to a big city from a equally big city.
So you'd think I'd be fine. But I am not.
Because in the big city I came from, I spent three years establishing me.
Making me.
And now I have to do it all again.
I am strong.
I am strong.
I am strong.
But nobody is that strong.
Or maybe some people are.
How would I know?
If there is anything I know about me, it is that I do not know shit about shit.
But that's all right.
Because I am, strong.

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DB thinks I know things.
He sees that I know things, because he thinks I see things.
He doesn't say that to me.
Therefore I do not have to admit that I do not know shit about shit.

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There were times in my life when I wrote poems.
I wrote shitty poems.
I wrote cheesy romantic poems.
I wrote far-too-sad poems.
I wrote meaningless poems.
I wrote poems.
Multiple.
I probably have written a hundred too.
None of which was brilliant.
Some sentimental to me.
But I wrote a hundred poems.

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I miss not-doubting me.
I miss being certain.

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I make things happen.
I make things happen.
I create.
I love.
I believe.
I fall in despair.
I pull myself up.
I stay strong.
I make things happen.

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I love it when people say "Shed".

Here I go to shed a little.

Goodbye.